Bugglescoop: The sun? Free. No dessert? Free.

Dear Jergens Corporation Marketing, Research and Development People:

Recently I purchased from Target your product, Natural Glow "Firming" Daily Moisturizer. I debated for a moment there in the overstocked skincare aisle, vacillating (as I am wont to do) between the myriad options before me. Among the questions complicating my decision:

1) Jergens brand or Target brand? Having recently been burned after discovering my "compare to Crest" Target brand dental floss was actually a reel of seafoam green gardening twine, this was a relatively easy choice.
2) Original formula or "firming"? No contest. It's the end of July, and I'd call in the National Guard if I thought it might help my cause.
3) How dark is too dark? Would "FAIR" show up at all, given my midsummer farmer tan? "DARK" might put me into Donatella territory. I settled on the innocuous-sounding "MEDIUM."

It's been a couple of weeks now since that fateful moment at Target, and I have some concerns. I know what you're thinking: PARABENS. CANCER. IMPENDING LITIGATION. But you can relax. I can't get any of my attorney friends to return my calls. I'm thinking they don't want to associate with me because a) I'm still pale, and b) I'm still squishy.

So that leaves me pondering: is "subtle skin darkening" just industry jargon for "not at all visible to the naked eye"? And while I don't purport to be some kind of cosmeceutical expert, I'm thinking that in order to achieve a "firming" effect, you might want to consider adding something a little more potent. Like maybe some epoxy-based resins.

I had high hopes for your product, Jergens People. Maybe I'm partly to blame, for foolishly believing that a firm, natural glow can be safely guaranteed for $6.99. But mostly I think it's your fault, for testing it out on a bunch of anorexic albinos and calling it a day.

Bugglescoop: You can never be too careful

As you may have read, last week the Bugglehouse was something of a minor cranial trauma ward. I have to admit that as recently as this past weekend, I was still experiencing some tenderness above my left eye - and Buggleboy still has a faint, army-green slash above his.

I just don't have the stamina to constantly worry about my kids being harmed simply while playing in the house or backyard. Who knows - if every stay-at-home mom was able to channel all of the time and energy spent protecting our kids from household hazards maybe we would have cured cancer or averted global warming by now.

Isn't it comforting to know that no matter what challenges this world might fling straight at your noggin, a solution is merely a mouse-click away? God bless the internet.




Behold, dear reader: the Bumper Bonnet, available online at One Step Ahead. I've already placed a rush order for several, in colors and patterns to coordinate with all of the kids' activewear, as well as a couple of pairs of these:



Because a responsible parent should never be caught without Snazzy Baby Knee Pads. Rumor has it that Paris Hilton is coming out with her own line, embellished with Swarovski crystals, to be featured at Kitson.

Once my shipment arrives, provided I'm able to convince Bugglehubby to install that toilet seat lock and the home-wide closed-circuit video monitoring system with webcam capabilities, I'll be available for mani/pedi's followed by lunch at the Ivy - no sitter needed. So ring me up, ladies. Soon I'll be stress-free, ready to plot an end to the global energy crisis over crudites and cosmos.

BUGGLESCOOP: Erotica for the OCD inclined

Listen up, ladies: this could quite possibly be the most exciting advance in the world of rechargeable, remote-controlled gadgets since the rabbit.






It's the Roomba Discovery robotic vacuum cleaner. My sister got me one on eBay when my vacuum cleaner blew up. It scares the crap out of Buggleboy, who can't resist the Simon-like lights and tones of its various buttons, pressing them in combination until he inadvertently sets the contraption in motion, sending him into a squealing fit.

It scoots around the room like a cockroach on meth, spinning haphazardly and bouncing off the furniture. I've christened it Stevie. I almost can't stand to watch it, yet at the same time, it's strangely hypnotic.

Much like the aforementioned rabbit, vacuuming with Stevie isn't meant to substitute for the real thing. It's more like an in-between, stopgap measure when you just don't have the time and energy: perfect for a quickie.

Bugglescoop: Everything but the kitchen sink

This week’s venture into the world of rampant consumerism is dedicated to our friends who are scheduled to have a baby boy on Sunday – their first. I’ve been trying my best to recall the naivete and uncertainty of those heady, last days of pregnancy. Days spent setting up and testing out our newly-acquired-sure-to-be-necessities like the portable baby monitor. The night I brought it home from the baby shower, Bugglehubby was so excited that he promptly removed the razor-sharp plastic packaging and placed it next to our bed (on his side!).

“Go in and make some baby sounds,” he commanded. I scurried into the nursery across the hall and did my best fussy newborn impression.
“I can hear you.”
“Cool.”
“No - I can hear you. Through the door.”

Were we thinking we lived in the Spelling mansion? I mean, we can't so much as sneeze without our next-door neighbor’s dog barking.

I put the monitor away in the nursery closet, where it soon made friends with the velour-covered Boppy nursing pillow, the baby wipes warmer and the Baby B'Air flight vest. All of which had seemed, in my state of heightened progesterone and marketing susceptibility, like good ideas at the time.

Which is kinda how I feel about the registry item I purchased for my aforementioned mommy-to-be friend. Called a washPOD, it's billed as a European-space-saving-eco-friendly-womb-like alternative to traditional newborn bathtubs. It's all that, and so much more. Because in the words of one Amazon.com reviewer, "Um. . .it's a bucket."

Bugglescoop: No balls in this house

Going green has got me blue. My enthusiasm started to wane when I realized that my reusable Trader Joe's grocery bags are made out of plastic (hello?). Since then I've had to break out the Clorox to clean the shower, thrown in the trash four Ziploc freezer bags and inherited Bugglehubby's V-8-engined SUV. I know, it's bleak. But that thing holds a crap ton of gear.

Only because Leo is just so compelling (could you die in the kitchen in The Departed?), I thought I'd give this eco-friendliness thing another shot. Recently at Bed, Bath and Beyond, I bought these reusable fabric softener things for the dryer - spiky blue balls that previously were only available in certain areas of Amsterdam. Made in China of plastic (naturally) and labeled "AS SEEN ON TV," they came with a two-year guarantee and a ten-dollar price tag. This is what happened to one of them after three trips through the dryer:



On "delicate," mind you. I treated these balls gently.

Needless to say, I'm back to the dye-free, fragrance-free dryer sheets. As for Leo, I'm hoping it's not a dealbreaker.